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Seems like fate? Or luck? Or coincidence?

Imagine if it wasn't 18/8/2013

Imagine if I did not leave home at that time

Imagine if I did not bump into her

Imagine if I did not wind down the window

Imagine if I just kept my mouth shut

Imagine if that four digits were not in my head

Imagine if that wasn't the amount

Imagine if I did not sign up for it

Imagine if ...


Moral of the story : 

We can't control a lot of things but the only thing we can control is ourselves. 

Always believe in doing good because karma is real.

Imaginations and ambitions are different. Choose the clear ambition instead of the vague imaginations. 

Bear in mind that if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. 

Don't worry, be happy =)

2 years seems like 2 weeks

It seems like only 2 weeks ago that you left us.

I still have that fond image of you smiling in my head.

I still remember how you sound like, people around us think that I sound like you

As much as people think that I look like you, I think I'm no where near the physical attributes that you possess.

 Probably the only inheritance (or probably I portrayed you too well) is actually our existence in any groups ; be it friends or family.

 I'm guessing its the aura and vibe that we give out to people are the same?

We reach out to people the same?

Best thing is socially I think that we are most alike! We know how to catch the right moment to say the right things! But sometimes probably too much to the liking of others? O.o Basically we just know how to talk to people of all kinds, women in particular

I half wonder how did mom coped with you if that was the case! LOL!

I was thinking for a moment that I'm actually more talkative and naturally prefer to mind other people's business but then again I recalled the story of your life in England. You were exactly like me, just that you chose to be the observer and no action taken. Prolly that's the true distinction between an engineer and a marketer =P

Since you are already up there, I'm not sure if my decision to be at HLB is something that you would encourage or not? Proud of or not? Was it a positive move? To "patsin" it's alright to make the move but to mom, she was okay in the beginning until... yeah so I think she wouldn't have expected that from me!

Little did she knew that the shoes seem to fit in so well that I was not following your footsteps but I'm in your shoes, just that it's 20 years later. I did not expect that as well.

Mom was so upset with me the other day but I knew deep down in her, she'd be telling herself : "Damn this scene is so damn familiar! Or,  Shit! Your son is following your footsteps!" Goes to show how much the HLB culture has changed 20 years on : STAGNANT

Looking at the bright side, I'm actually happy to go through this because I can relate to you. I can feel how you felt 20 years ago! =) The entertainments, the booze, the bosses, the women? (prolly I'm not there yet but I'm quite sure with the like father like son theory so women wont be an intervening issue).

The VOMITING part might be the hardest to take in. I've received uncountable lectures from your wife and your sisters just like how they did it to you last time. Yours was worse cuz your mom scolded you! LOL!

But now, I knew exactly how it felt, and i know certain things just cant be avoided, can't be explained. I dont know how to explain to your wife just like how you didnt know how to explain to your wife but I KNOW and YOU KNOW. Just cant be explained. Guy thing probably?

I remembered how you came back vomiting in the toilet , I was awaken by the sound of you vomiting. I was there to pat and soothe your back in the toilet. I'm not sure how many times, but I remembered a good couple of times I was there. I knew how you felt, just that I don't have anyone to pat my back! LOL!

Plus, I can't make it so obvious cuz we'll get locked out of the room! LOL! Don't laugh, you know and I know you got the "locked room" treatment! Now I've gotten a taste of that treatment too! =S

Don't worry, I will not cause your wife to be over-worried. Just so you know I know how to protect myself and avoid certain situations. I knew you were there during the Stanley's KTV party incident, and that is why I did not feel any effects/after effects or what-so-ever. Thanks! =)

I knew you were there when I stepped into HLB , hence no fear at all during the interview! 2 weeks into the job I also found out that HB and HLP were actually on the same floor as Commercial/Business Banking Division. So I got a glimpse of how you actually walked in there 20 years ago? I'm not sure, but I certainly thought so, since mom told me that you don't go there often.

I think the way I make people feel my presence is probably the same as you, and I hope just like you, I wont step onto anyone's tail and be likeable by all ranks in the organisation.

I promise you I will improve on my work ethics because I know I'm no where near you.

It's been 2 years but last night when I closed my eyes, I still see your image very clearly. A few images in fact altho I wished you appeared in my dreams!

Life is short, and I'm getting older so we must do things while we are able to! YOLO!!

You are still deeply missed.

31/7/2012

Exactly one year ago, you were having your golf tournament.
Exactly one year ago, you continued to push on for victory
Exactly one year ago, you were brave enough for even wanting to drive yourself to the hospital
Exactly one year ago, you were strong
Exactly one year ago, your heart was strong but
Exactly one year ago, your heart wasn't strong enough for the second attack
Exactly one year ago, you lie on the hospital bed with your favourite brand new striking red pants
Exactly one year ago, I removed the gold necklace from your neck
Exactly one year ago, we cried in disbelief

Exactly one year later, it felt exactly like one year ago
Exactly one year later, I still believe you are around
Exactly one year later, we are stronger than before
Exactly one year later, we are still here with mummy
Exactly one year later, I still have the image of you dancing in my head
Exactly one year later, your son's graduation picture is hung on the wall
Exactly one year later, your picture is also hung on the wall but
Exactly one year later, we know both pictures serve different purposes

I know you are always looking after us. I know the genius-ness/awesome-ness in me is inherited from you.(self proclaim a bit) Street smart? So were you the one who saved me/us in Perhentian? I really think so! A moment of ... (i cant find the right word) but it just came to my mind to swim towards the ropes, grab hold of it and pull myself back towards the boat. If it's not for that, the rest of the ppl will not follow exactly what I did. Just a moment of...(still cant find the word) but i know it's you, it's you.

Something rather ironic and bothering happened on this very exact date, dad. I was comtemplating whether or not to pay you a visit ( later that night mom said we shouldnt and luckily there were obstacles that prevented me from doing so ). During lunch time, a few of my colleagues and i were deciding where to have lunch and finally we decided to walk to the nearby restaurant to eat. Once we were done, I saw a bunch of ppl walking in and guess what? They were your ex colleagues aka bosses aka shareholders. Funny thing is that I sense fear in them. A few were looking at me (i resemble you so we give out the same aura? LOL) and looked away. It was an awkward moment for me. However before leaving, i decided to go and have a few words with ur boss. Funny how he can just recognise me without even introducing myself. Weird but I sense something funny/fishy/wadever u call it. At night when i told mom bout this she laughed gingerly. "Dad not here but his presence is still being felt"

I dont know what happened, etc in regards with ur work but if u r talking about a representation, I think I'm doing quite a good job in representing you, naturally that is.

I am still so damn busy that I cant find time for your little fishes, and also cant find time to really pick up golf. I told myself and you that I will win something, and the first trophy i am going to win is for you.

So pls give me the power, bless me with your strength and determination to succeed in anything I do. Work's still a b*tch. Lacking motivation. Pure Laziness. Save me.

Truth?

I dreamt of you? Am I sure? Yes I am pretty sure. It's all worth it just to have a glance eventhough I woke up in tears. How I wish whatever that was in the dream materialised in the past? I'm sure it's you. But I'm not sure if it's only you. I miss you.

resemblance & reactions

We had a great pre-CNY visit from a few of me dad's good friends all the way from Singapore. Thank you Aunty Gwen, Uncle Jeff and Martin. I appreciate how well we clicked in the absence of dad but Aunty Gwen felt that dad was with us at Beer Factory!!! And im sure if dad was around, he would have been happy =) beer with mom? since when that was even possible? LOL! We got to try different types of Belgium beer and got to know the story behind from a very likely souce : the knowledgable Uncle Jeff, my dad's good friend. Friends whom are not materialistic / monetary minded that is.

On another note, we got some surprise visitors the next morning. Dad, Im proud of you and im sure you are proud of me. I dont need a cool dad/mom who gives me money to travel ard Scotland to feel proud of me, I dont need to feel proud of parents who boasts about their son's graduation in London when their son should actually be ONE year ahead of me and yet graduated later than myself. I dont need you to tell us how great your trip with ur family was to Italy because Dad, I promise you one day when all 4 of us succeed, we will stick together and let mom enjoy life like how she was supposed to be pampered by you.

We know who your true friends are and I know you are happy up there looking at us. Uncle Jeff said to me " You got your father's PR skills! " and that alone makes me feel proud of myself and having Sam Choong as my dad. Period.

reminiscence

The other day after my coaching session, I sat down to watch the uncles play. It got me thinking "imagine if Dee is around, partnering me/brothers, showboating and thrashing others proudly".

And then at the corner of my eye, I saw a father playing badminton with his kids. It reminded me of how Dee used to play with us badminton at the garden, hitting the shuttle upwards for 100 times, aiming to smash the shuttle towards flower pots to showcase his pin-point precision and how he was always semi-naked.

I remember you bought us to play with the uncles @ KLGCC. I missed those times. In particular, you brought me to the driving range ONCE, now you left your indiscipline/lazy/impatient son to pick up golf on his own? LOL

Those were the days, the good old memories.

I hope I can tell my kids how great their grandpa was, but I hope to be closely attached with my own kids, so that they can tell their kids how great I was =P

All I Want for 2012 is . . .

1. To be a better negotiator
2. To take life with a pinch of salt
3. To challenge myself to go beyond my limitations
4. To never forget my roots
5. To not let ppl I love worry about me
6. To never be contented with what I have so that I can work harder
7. To love the people around me
8. To not neglect the little things in life
9. To smile and laugh eventho life can be bitchy at times
10. To take control of myself
11. To learn to take things positively
12. To forgive and forget
13. To love and give
14. To remind myself that I am not alone
15. To pick up golf
16. To never give up on myself
17. To never give up on your team
18. To have a healthy lifestyle
19. To be careful in everything I do
20. To have a heart and faith in everything I do