Time flies. Many things changed. I've never thought I would end up here. It's like a dream. But it's also like running away from hell. It's a breath of fresh air. I was reborn.
The trigger point in my life and job probably dated back to 20th Oct 2015 when I had a minor heart attack scare. That was the changing point for my life, knowing that nothing else matters except your health and the people around you. However, that doesn't change anything in regards to my career.
Yes, I gotta be healthier, gotta take a chill pill and not over stress myself (due to the pressuring sales environment in business banking), but yet I am still stuck in an environment that is not fulfilling. I still dread to work, I hated it. I cannot find the drive, I just couldn't.
And you realized that some people might be two-faced. Some people doesn't not belong here, some people are not reflective of their so-called position, I find myself in a difficult situation whereby I will not, and could not give my best to the organisation / the people. Now I understand why some say, choose your bosses, and not the organisation. That's the most crucial factor in terms of work motivation.
However, due to the environment that I was in, for the past 4/5 years, somehow I just couldn't comprehend things like "wow, you don't deserve to be sitting at this position", "this kinda engrish also can be head of department?". In a sales environment, when you are the king/queen of sales, you are like GOD. you can do anything, and you can climb, you can inspire. But sorry, that doesn't work for me. And you definitely cannot inspire me.
I got meself (sorry, acting like a scouscer) thinking alot. I don't look up to these people, how am I suppose to fight for them, or fight for myself? I'm adamant that I'm better, probably due to ego. So then I'm rebellious, non performing and i cannot accept how realistic every organisation is in terms of securing a deal. In sales, my philosophy is to build engaging relationships. But to the Bank, it's to build profitable relationships. "Why bother spending time with xxx if they are not giving us anything?" "Why waste time on this deal when we know we can't help them?"
I lost the respect from people, and of people because of my stubbornness in understanding why and trying to figure out if there are any other ways we can go about this. People will not understand me. People will judge on the surface. They will just judge me as a pawn. In chess, the pawns go first. I was that pawn. I'm the first to die. In a sales environment, when you have no sales / low-figures, people automatically label you as a failure. In my head, i was thinking "Is that really how we are being judged?" So, Brandon is a liability to the organisation because he does not generate enough sales? So, this Mr X is like King because he carries the Top Sales Title but with a suck ass attitude? Is that how it's supposed to be? Am I going to be stuck in this dreadful, unjustifiable environment?
So where do I belong? Where can I showcase my values, and not judge me as another number? Who can empower me? Be the catalyst that triggers my own motivation?
Just when things are falling apart, I met A. I actually met A 2 years ago. But it didn't work out. Guess everything happens for a reason.
Not to mention any details and fast forward 1 year, here I am now : Never been so motivated, never been so inspired because I probably found someone that I really look up to, and say "Let's achieve big things together"
